I spent almost 5 years working for a company. I was paid well. I had a great job. I loved the people. However, it’s not what I wanted to really do. Not where I saw myself in 5 more years. There was always the hope to someday take my side business, which at the time was a paper goods and wedding stationery business and be apart of the wedding industry as a vendor. Winning awards, being the best of the best. So for 5 years I kept saying when I felt like I was getting there I would quit my job and be my own boss. Someday. Someday never really came. I slowly began to be miserable, hating my side business. What once was a passion of creativity became a burden.
I started to doubt myself. Maybe I just wasn’t good enough. There were never enough hours in the day, never enough extra money coming in, never enough security to make the “leap”. I constantly would say things like “If I could just work on my side business full-time I know I could make it.”
I then became a mom and a wife in that time. The fear of quiting my job started to set in. I couldn’t just quit my job ‘in the hopes’ that I would be successful. What if I really am not good enough? What if nobody hires me? I can’t burden my husband with that responsibility or not provide for my daughter. Thats being selfish. I thought…maybe I should just work for a company full-time, have the security of a paycheck, health insurance, etc. Thats the responsible ‘adult’ decision.
Then I became pregnant with our second daughter. I kept thinking about times where I would pick up my daughter from daycare and I would be stressed and exhausted from work. I hadn’t seen my daughter since I dropped her off in the morning and I would think…”Can she just be quiet for 5 minutes?” She would be tired from a full day, extra whiney, and have to sit in the back of my car on the 30+ minute commute home, and the 30 minutes would sometimes feel like torture. I would feel so guilty about feeling that way. Like…why can’t I just be happy to be with her and want to soak in every minute with her? I’d get home and need a break from my day, but I couldn’t take one. There were things to do at home. So by the time we finally put our daughter down for bed (which thankfully she was always great at). I was mentally and physically done.
I just wanted to mindlessly watch tv or scan facebook or pinterest watching others succeed in their businesses. Seeing others create the things I desperately wanted to create.
It felt like an endless cycle.
So before my daughter was born my husband and I had a huge talk. I knew I wasn’t truly happy in my work. I was good at it, it was secure. But my inner creative personality, the REAL me wasn’t happy. I wanted to be home exploring the world with my kids and husband. Spending time with my Italian grandmother who was just 20 minutes away. Experience the beauty in each day. Feel inspired and motivated to make, do and be.
I kept hearing things from people like “You are so talented!” and “You are so creative!” I finally realized I’m letting the fear and doubt of the unknown, and the insecurity I felt in myself as a full-time stay-at-home mom and #bosslady, that I was letting it cloud my creativity in moving forward. For me, that doubt was turned into motivation. I started to say things like:
I CAN do this. I AM creative. I WILL succeed.
I would take the fears and doubt and turn them into bullies trying to push me down, telling me that I wasn’t good enough. I wanted to prove ‘them’ wrong (‘them’ clearly being myself).
So…what happened was, I did it. I took the leap. I pushed myself. I created a business I love doing what I am passionate about. The stress has been organized into schedules, helpful tools, and systems to take the stress out of having to remember everything or know what to do next. And in 1 month, I niched down and found my focus. I felt more motivated than ever and I began to push forward. I cannot believe that in just 1 month, I’ve created the brand I always wanted, the business I always wanted, and am doing what I always wanted. Am I successful yet, monetarily…no. That I know will come in time. But the satisfaction and belief I have in myself has made such a difference in how I feel every single day, I know I have the time, and skills to just keep growing and move my business forward. If I can do this in a month by proving my fear and doubt in myself wrong…what will happen in 2 months? 1 year? 5 years? The opportunities are endless, and the ability to live a life I truly love is here.
There will ALWAYS be fear & doubt. It’s what you DO with that fear and doubt that changes who you are and what you do. If you allow it to take over, you will always feel like you will never succeed. You will always doubt yourself, you will always fear the unknown. You won’t ever take the leap. You are letting the ‘bullies’ win by bringing you down. PROVE your inner bully wrong. Take those mental thoughts and say “Oh yeaaa? Watch me!”
Do you want help in finding your inner cheerleader? Do you need someone to help you figure out what you should do, how you should move forward, set up a game plan for you to move forward? I am HERE for you. I would love to help you figure out what you can do to make your big leap forward to feel motivated and ready to take on the world. To prove your inner bully wrong. Sometimes all it takes is someone to help motivate you and validate you to feel like you ARE going to succeed. I want to be that person for you.
I hope this blog helped you feel like you aren’t alone in the fear and doubt that comes around with being a creative entrepreneur. I would love to know if there are any other things that are holding you back, or other topics you would like me to blog or vlog about. I am here for YOU. Let me know what you need, and I’ll help you.